Harper passes legislation to suspend Murphy's law

BlogThis!

According to a late-breaking CBC report, the Harper government intends to introduce a bill that suspends Murphy's law.

In Parliament today, Harper said "This old law, introduced by the former Liberal government, is the cause of much misery in the country today. Canada's New Government does not condone such a law, and with our new legislation nothing will go wrong ever again."

Under this new law, none of the following can occur:

• Bridges collapsing due to lack of municipal infrastructure funding
• People slipping and falling on ice
• Hurricanes hitting the Atlantic due to global warming
• Train derailments and car collisions
• Melting of the Greenland ice sheet (Denmark has filed a diplomatic objection over Canada's attempt to extend jurisdiction)
• Airplanes falling from the sky due to security service bungling
• PMs taking bribes while still in office (or at least the press discovering such bribes)
• And, of course, no more nuclear accidents are allowed - at all - at any time!

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Baird's Bull Gets "Gored" -- Baird Responds by Trying to Shoot the Messenger

John Baird attacks Al Gore for calling the latest Conservative scheme

...a "complete and total fraud" that is "designed to mislead the Canadian people".

Far and Wide provides a great rebuttal to Baird's attack:

"Mr. Baird, forever the pitbull, seems to forget the historical facts of a Republican dominated Senate and House of Representatives during the Clinton years, not to mention the fact that he again looks to the past to excuse the NOW. I'm also confident that Gore knows the 'contents of our plan', so his opinion is valid. Given the fact that Baird makes it personal again, and then offers to meet with Gore, I recommend a public debate with either Gore or maybe Suzuki. Afterall, Baird should have no problem arguing the merits of the toughest climate change plan on the globe should he? I agree, these two should really meet, with the cameras rolling."

To save on travel-related carbon emissions, they should do the debate by video link from wherever they are.

Baird would still have to buy extra carbon offsets to cover his hot air. :-)

[Important Notice]

Canadian Government Goes From Failing to Plan to Planning to Fail Kyoto Targets

"The new program does not bring Canada into compliance with its commitments under the Kyoto Protocol—a reduction of emissions to 6% below 1990 levels by 2012. Canada’s emissions are currently 30% above 1990 levels, and the new goal puts Canada 11% above its Kyoto targets. Under the new plan, Canada will meet its Kyoto targets in 2025, 13 years late."

(Source: Green Car Congress, based on Globe & Mail and Government Website; emphasis added.)

Of course, Baird's latest scheme would actually regulate "intensity" i.e. GHG emissions per unit of production, not total emissions. If production increases enough, it might wipe out the gains from "intensity". Reaching Kyoto targets may take even longer -- if ever.

So the Harper Government has gone from failing to plan on addressing this issue at all after the last election to deliberately planning to fail our international obligations.

This may end up costing Canada much more than expected. The Harper Government's most detailed document [PDF] explaining their scheme fails to mention that Kyoto has "teeth":

"If a Party [to the Kyoto Protocol] fails to meet its emissions target, it must make up the difference in the second commitment period, plus a penalty of 30%. It must also develop a compliance action plan, and its eligibility to “sell” under emissions trading will be suspended."

(Source: UNFCCC; bolding added; italics in original.)

So much for the Harper Government's scheme reliance on Kyoto Protocol emissions trading to reach some of their goals.

There is also the cost of not directing new business to a greener path right away:

"New facilities will be granted a three-year grace period before they have to meet an emissionintensity reduction target in order to provide sufficient time for the facilities to reach normal operating levels. After the third year, the initial greenhouse gas emission-intensity target will be based on cleaner fuel standards. New facilities will also be required to improve their emission intensity each year by 2%, as with existing facilities. New facilities are defined as those whose first year of operation is 2004 or later."

(Source: Environment Canada)

[satire]

In other news:

• The Government will introduce a motion in the House of Commons to change the word "Nation" to "Procrastination" in all official documents.
  

• The book How to Lose Your International Credibility and Wreck the Planet for Canadians for Dummies, with a Foreword by Rona Ambrose, is headed for the top of the bestseller list.

[/satire]

[Important Notice]

Real men - and women - don't like global warming

Even the National Post may be waking up to the fact that outdoor hockey rinks may someday be just a fond memory. In this piece titled A meditation on ice, Mark Spector writes about how "the outdoor rink is slowly melting from the consciousness of the Canadian man".

How many of the major Canadian cities can even keep an outdoor rink frozen any more, the way the weather has changed? Are we dependent on Kyoto to restore what was once an intrinsic, vital part of growing up in Canada?

Despite the chauvinist attitude in this article (hey, women play hockey too - sometimes better than the men!), I find this heartening. Perhaps, one day, the Post will figure out that we really do need to act to stop climate change - and save our outdoor rinks too.

I was happy to see that our local park managed to create an outdoor rink this year - although it wasn't until February. I'm sure the lifespan of these rinks is much shorter than it used to be. Although I've never played hockey, I have fond memories of helping my Dad create a small skating rink in our backyard. We had a blast back then.

The Hockey Pond
Just for fun, here's a short video showing the future of outdoor hockey in a climate-changed world (found on BeSustainable.com).



Comments from the YouTube post:

Today, February 16, 2007, is the second anniversary of Canada's Kyoto Promise, finds ordinary Canadians tired of political rhetoric and keen for true action. "It's not right to have open water in my hockey pond" says Arni Mikelsons, a resident of Guelph Ontario Canada, "I want action by my government. Cut the high sticking and honour Canada's Kyoto Promise."

Time for a new scandal in Ottawa

According to Harper, the environment is such a big issue only because "this government has not got a daily scandal". (From an interview with CTV as reported in the Star.)

Apparently, all we need is a new juicy scandal to solve the problem of voters thinking too hard about climate change, and the Tories' stunning lack of success on the file. If they don't manage to make a deal with the NDP on the Clean Air Act soon, keep an eye the papers - I sense a scandal may be in the works.

However, the Tories seem to be scandal-deficient and may need some help. Send us your scandalous ideas, and we'll pass them on! (Hmmm.... "Harper in bed with George Bush"? Nah, too obvious)

Save Santa - Save the Planet

Here's a cute video. Thanks to deSmog Blog for pointing it out!

The rake's progress

Now that fall is here, and the leaves are scattered on the ground, many of us worry about how to tidy them up. Well, Home Depot has a simple, yet sexy solution... the good old rake! (Thanks to Treehugger.com for pointing out the link.)

Not only does this rake look good - you'll look good using it! And the exercise you get from raking your leaves will help you stay in tip-top form. In fact, why not get a few rakes and turn it into a family activity. My daughter just loves raking the leaves - an attitude I'm heartily encouraging!

I'm glad to see Home Depot finally putting some effort into selling low-carbon solutions to yard work. They certainly have big-enough displays of the noisy, gas-guzzling kind at their stores.

And don't think you'll save any time using a leaf-blower. According to this story, a grandmother in her late 50s "cleaned the areas using rakes or brooms faster than any of the battery powered blowers and almost as fast as the gas powered leaf blowers and she did a better job in cleaning up the areas".

I just wish I could send a copy of the Home Depot EcoOptions magazine to a fellow I saw a few weeks ago. Not only was he using a leaf-blower (ick!), but he left it unattended, running, and belching blue-grey smoke out in front of his house. Don't let this happen to you! The moral of the tale is: "For idling hearts and hands and minds the Devil finds a work to do." (Apologies to Igor Stravinsky.)

(An interesting aside - apparently, "it’s a little-known fact that the number of human calories expended world-wide in raking leaves each year roughly equals π times the number of arboreal calories required to make the leaves throughout the preceding year." Believe it - or don't!)

The Oilers vs. the Hurricanes - a parable for our times?

There's something ironic in the matchup of teams for the final round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

You've gotta love this headline: Many Hurricanes have ties to Alberta

And the Hurricanes are currently trouncing the Oilers (leading them 2-0 in the series)! It kind of makes you think...

From a recent CBC report:

17 per cent of the region's oil production remains off-line because of last year's hurricanes, which damaged 167 offshore platforms and 183 pipelines. Some platforms were found as far as 100 kilometres from their original moorings.

Personally, I'm cheering for the Hurricanes. (And it has nothing to do with my participation in my office hockey pool - really!) ;-)

And while I have your attention, here's another link to ponder:

Clean air and global warming mean more hurricanes (from the Discovery Channel)

The PM's New Alternative Energy Souce - Hot Air from Ottawa

In a bold move today, Prime Minister Harper announced that he would personally restore the "hot air imbalance" in the country, thus providing the provinces with a new source of renewable energy.

To achieve this ambitious goal, the PM has banned Parliament Hill press conferences and will himself travel around the country taking questions from local reporters.

The PM said that this is only the beginning of his "made-in-Canada" plan to cut greenhouse gas emissions. "Actions speak lounder than words, unless those words come from the federal government", he said. While admitting that the provinces will probably be upset over the recently announced cuts in funding for their Kyoto programs, he said that the new "hot air transfers" will more than make up the difference.

"Charest may have his hydro-electric power, but I have the full force of the Conservative caucus and the Bloc Quebequois behind me."